Rivers of Thought
Life, Leadership, Business & Technology
A Guest Post by Jill Renee (Ton) Stollenwerk
It was the Saturday before Christmas. Carmen and I had just collapsed on the couch in front of a roaring fire. We had just celebrated Christmas with our two-year old Grandson Braxton, our son JT, and our parents. We had “just settled down for a long winter’s nap”, when just to my left there arose such a clatter…ok, it was my cell phone vibrating to alert me to a text message. It was from my sister, Jill.
Within moments, my phone rang (or rather vibrated).
The Story of Jill and The Little Black Lamb
As I entered the Christmas season this year, I became keenly aware of my mother’s absence. She passed away in July, 2013, but this year I have missed her anew so much. Mom was the tapestry of Christmas as I grew up and even as I was an adult with children. Mary Ellen, Mom, Mimi brought Christmas to life for her family and friends. She could do Santa magic, holding on to the Sear’s Christmas catalogue until after Thanksgiving for her children to dream Santa dreams that she knew they couldn’t afford. Yet, observing her, you knew how strongly she embraced the Christmas story of Jesus coming into the world.
I was a PK, preacher’s kid, and was used to our family life reflecting the liturgy of the time of year. I didn’t appreciate as a child the impact our family rituals would have on me. This year, I have been looking for Mom. I wanted to experience her in the ornaments she and Dad had given us kid through the years. Dating back to 1973, they had given me an ornament each year, in keeping with the tradition given by Mom’s parents.
My precious ornaments had been packed away for several years. Many circumstances in my life kept them from view until this year when my boxes had been moved to my new home. I unpacked the boxes of ornaments, hungry for a glimpse of my mother. I reminisced childhood Christmas memories with my new husband. One strong memory was how my mother pulled four active children together many evenings during advent each year. Somehow she managed to slow us down enough to light the advent candles, read a scripture, read a story and perhaps even sing a song together. My initial memories of those times were how we kids fought over the honor of lighting a candle or reading a passage. My memory now is of a very patient mother who was determined to bring the light of Jesus’ birth to her children. And she did.
I continued my search for my mother this Christmas. I wanted so badly to touch her, feel her, and embrace her. I thought about all the stories she read to us each year. “The Gift of the Magi”, “The Other Wiseman”, “Amahl and the Night Visitors” and “The Little Black Lamb”. My favorite for some reason was “The Little Black Lamb”. I remembered vividly sitting by my mother as she read the story and I looked at the drawings in the book. It was a very simple story. I poked around my saved books and found all of the stories, given to me by my parents in the early 70’s. All except “The Little Black Lamb”. As if on a mission, I went to Google to find that story. And I found it finally. Somebody had typed it up and posted it to their blog. No credits were given to the author, which I thought was sad. (for the record, the author is Emily S. McCracken).
But I had my story and that brought me closer to Mom. Later that day I went out to our garage to put on my boots for a trek to check on the horses and peacocks with my husband. On a table next to my chair was a stack of books. Oh yes, these were the children’s books I had told my husband could go to Goodwill, because we had no little ones around. He had wisely saved them in hopes I would send them to my grandson, Ben, in Florida. I picked up one of the books and opened it. It opened to the story of “The Little Black Lamb”! This was my mother’s book that she read to me and my brothers. The pictures were exactly as I remembered. How could I have had that book in my possession and forgotten how important it was? I heard my mother as clear as a bell saying, “Why are you looking for me? I have been here all along. You just had to see me.”
I was choking back the tears as I climbed the stairs to the office to call my dad and share with him. There was no answer on his cell phone, so I called the house phone. The answering machine picked up my call and I heard my mother’s voice over the phone. Her sweet voice recorded long before the stroke that destroyed her voice and took her life. I called my brother, Jeff, because I knew he would understand. I wanted to connect with my mom this Christmas and, oh my, I did. My mother was a gift at that time I needed it most. Isn’t that kind of the way it is with God? “I am here. Why are you looking for me? I have been here all along.”
Jill’s gift was “finding” our mother…my gift was sharing the moment with my sister.
(The Donut Hole referenced by Jill’s text was a post in this blog).
Want to exchange ideas on Twitter (@jtongici)?
Expanding your circles on Google+?
Read more of my musings on LinkedIn.
Interested in IT and the CIO Role? Check out my series “The CIO is Dead! Long live the CIO” on Intel’s IT Peer Network.
2014 was an exciting year for Rivers of Thought: from Maranatha, The Final Chapter to Funeral for a Friend(‘s Mother), most of the year delved into the #RooseveltRiver, my journey into leadership by studying the life of Teddy Roosevelt. Thank you to all who read, followed, commented and supported Rivers of Thought, a special thanks to my editors-in-chiefs: Carmen Ton and Brad Ton.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for Rivers of Thought.
Here’s an excerpt:
A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 5,000 times in 2014. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.
It was mid-November. It was a day of firsts. First time to ever attend a Catholic Funeral Mass. First time to be given an Easter Egg at a funeral service of any kind. First time ever seeing someone hand out money at a funeral. First time seeing someone deliver a eulogy while wearing rabbit ears. And, first time taking a photo during a funeral service (hey, if you saw someone delivering a eulogy while wearing rabbit ears, you would have taken a photo too!).
I knew the service was going to be different before I even arrived. This was, after all the funeral for my my dear friend’s mother…just 15 months after my own mother’s passing. I wasn’t confident I would even be able to make it through. But, I had to make it through…for him.
As the service began, I was initially struck by how little I knew about my friend of twenty years. Were these things I knew and and forgotten? Were these things that went in one ear and out the other? Or were these things I never knew in the first place? I seemed to remember he had siblings. Did I remember there was one brother and one sister? I seemed to remember his father had passed many years before. Did I remember he was paraplegic? Some friend I was.
One by one family members and friends made their way to the front of the church. As they spoke a picture was painted, a picture of a mother, a friend, a teacher, a devoted parishioner. There was the daughter who spoke of a mother who taught her what it means to be a lady; the son who read the story of his mother’s life in her own words from a letter discovered among her belongings; the lifelong friend who spoke of schoolmates who had been best friends and co-workers for a lifetime. And then…and then there was my friend.
“OK, everyone we are going to play a game! Everyone has to listen, and there are going to be rules!,” he shouted as he approached the microphone…wearing pink rabbit ears. He then told the story of the infamous “Cuffel Easter Egg Hunt”. He started by asking who had even heard of the Egg Hunt. Of the 90+ people there, most everyone raised their hand. “Who has participated in the Easter Egg Hunt?” Very few hands were lowered.
He went on to explain the rules of the Hunt. There were 92 eggs hidden (90 this year and 2 left over from last year that were never found). Inside each egg was, not candy, but a number. After all the eggs had been found, his mom would call out numbers.
“Number 1, who has number 1? You get a nickle.”
“Number 2, who has number 2? You get a dollar.”
“Number 3, who has number 3? You get a ‘Happy Easter’.”
This would continue until all 92 numbers had been called. Prizes ranged from 5 cents to twenty dollars to a “Happy Easter” greeting.
“Ok,” my friend continued, “when you came in you were given an egg. Everyone stand up and open your egg. Ok, if you have numbers 1 – 3, sit down and have a Happy Easter. If you have 5 – 39, sit down and…Happy Easter.” He continued until three people remained standing. “Who has number 40 (her year of birth)? You get five dollars.” He walked out into the church and handed the woman a five dollar bill. “Who has number 74 (her age at death)?” You get ten dollars.” Finally, “who has number 4 (her treasured grandchildren)? You get $20.”
He then went on to talk of his mother. The lessons he learned from her, her love of games. He talked of her spirituality, her unconditional love, her compassion for others, her selflessness. As I sat there, I realized I knew more about my friend’s family than I thought.
Mrs. Cuffel, I never knew you, we never met. I have known your son for over twenty years. After having attended the celebration of your life, after hearing the stories, sharing in the laughs, the smiles and the tears, I realized, through your son, I DO know you. You raised a wonderful family. You raised a wonderful man. Spiritual, compassionate, a great friend. You should be proud.
Dennis, I love you brother. Have a Happy Easter!
Want to exchange ideas on Twitter (@jtongici)?
Expanding your circles on Google+?
Read more of my musings on LinkedIn.
Interested in IT and the CIO Role? Check out my series “The CIO is Dead! Long live the CIO” on Intel’s IT Peer Network.
Follow me
Insights is the weekly, thought-provoking newsletter from Jeffrey S. Ton.
Every Tuesday – Delivered to your inbox.
A different focus each week:
Leadership Thought – A lesson-learned, an insight shared
Leadership Q&A – A response to a reader’s or a connection’s question
Leadership Spotlight – A highlight of a person or company helping others to grow their leadership
Rivers of Thought – A more personal thought, observation or musing
