Rivers of Thought
Life, Leadership, Business & Technology
A few years ago I was inspired to write a fairy tale of sorts – a fairy tale about my dad’s progressing disease and the need to move him to the next stage of care. Today, I write the concluding chapter of the Trilogy of Serendipity.
Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, lived a King, his three Princes and his one Princess, and their wonderful spouses and families. Much has changed since our fairy tale began. Much has changed since our last visit to the land of Serendip almost two years ago. You see, the King had moved once again. He had to leave the Village of Hickory to reside in the Centre of Soapberry. It is there in the Centre of Soapberry where our story begins anew.
A call went out to the Prince and Princess of Whitetail. The King, whose health had been slowly declining, was in distress. They rushed to the King’s Chambers and found him barely able to speak but resting comfortably. Barely returning to the Forest of Whitetail, they were once again summoned to his chambers. It was time. The nursing saint declared the King’s body was too frail. It was time to think only of his comfort.
The Prince sent messengers to the Prince of Raymond, the Prince of the Western Lands and the Princess of the Green Lakes. Should they be able to travel and should they desire, they should set forth for the Centre of Soapberry. Alas, the Princess’ health would not allow her to make such a journey. The Princes joined the Prince and Princess of Whitetail. Sir Larry of Sayre arrived to join them by the King’s bedside.
Several days passed. They were days filled with retelling of stories, sharing laughter and sharing tears and providing comfort to the King. The nursing saint was joined by a number of nursing saints, all of them the most beautiful, caring souls the Lord hath created. The time was drawing nigh.
The Chaplain of the Castle arrived, recited the Prayer of the Lord, and the King breathed his last. The King is dead…long live the King. Remember him in your hearts.
On December 16, 2019, The Reverend Doctor L. Eugene Ton passed away. He will be missed by his family, his friends and the congregations of the churches he served.
For those readers who do not know this, Dad suffered from a rare form of dementia: Behavioral Variant Frontotemporal Dementia or bvFTD. It is considered rare in that it occurs far less often than Alzheimer’s. It is also rare in males, and even rarer for someone as old as Pop was when we first started seeing signs. I’ve written several posts over the years about the journey we have all been on with Dad since Mom passed in 2013. I will be writing more in the future – of this I have no doubt.
First, the other two stories in the Serendip trilogy:
The Land of Serendip Revisited
And then all the others. Some relate to lessons learned from my dad, while others are specific to this journey with dementia.
Dad Paddles the Roosevelt River
Are Those Smiles Identical or What?
The Window – A Divine Coincidence
After posing that question, the executive I was having lunch with went on to explain he had always tried to create a family-like environment at his company. “You know, having fun, hanging out, being one of the gang.”
Now he was faced with some of his staff not performing. When he tried to address it they pushed back saying “You’ve changed”, or “You’re overreacting”, or worse.
It’s a tough question and one that many managers and leaders struggle to answer.
It doesn’t matter if you are new to a management role or, like my friend, someone who has been leading people for several decades.
Can you be friends with the people that work for you?
The old adage is you can be friendly but not friends.
As a new manager back in a decade that started with a “9”, I took that advice. Many of my friends were now my employees. I all but stopped socializing with them. There were no more parties, no more weekend trips on the houseboat, and no grabbing a drink after work.
Oh sure, we still did team happy hours occasionally (hey, it was the 90’s) but for the most part, I became “management”.
It took me a long time to realize that old adage was, well… BS.
I think the reason our managers and mentors espoused that adage was because it makes the tough times easier.
It is far easier to have those tough conversations about performance or layoffs if you don’t know what is going on in their personal life.
They may be going through a divorce, or have elderly parents who are in failing health, or have kids that are struggling in school…you know, all the real stuff that doesn’t make it to Facebook.
Do you know them?
I now believe you have to know those in your office on a personal level.
How else are you going to lead them?
- Knowing them helps you to celebrate with them when their kid enters kindergartner or gets accepted into college.
- Knowing them helps you connect, we all (even leaders) crave connection, we are human after all!
- Knowing them helps you to lead with empathy and compassion.
Yes, those tough conversations are tougher…on us, they were always tough on the other person. If those types of conversations are ever easy…you are in the wrong job!
But, it is a two-way street.
Do they know you?
To form those relationships you have to let your employees see you for who you are.
Tell them about the joy of a new grandchild, or the pain of the death of a parent. To form those relationships you have to be vulnerable.
For the leader who asked the question… be vulnerable.
- Tell them about the sleepless nights worrying about making payroll.
- Tell them how you feel the weight of 200 individuals and their 200 families.
- Tell them about the gnawing in the pit of your stomach every day as you care for your business almost like your child.
If they don’t respond with empathy and compassion towards you, if they don’t see you as a friend, but also a leader who has to have tough conversations, if they don’t rally to the mission at hand, perhaps you don’t have the relationship you thought you had.
I would love to hear your thoughts! Please comment (or email) on this topic. Have a leadership question you would like to ask? Send me a note. I am happy to share my thoughts and have others chime in as well!
Yes, tis the season.
Thanksgiving is behind us, Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa preparations and celebrations are in full swing. With those come the new year: 2020, a new year and a new decade. Time for everyone everywhere to make their predictions for the new year. Not to be left out, I will join the leagues of prognosticators and offer up a few of my own.
Leadership
The leadership word for 2020 is vulnerability.
Leaders who are able to own their stories, show up as themselves, and be vulnerable will excel. Their followers will achieve more, give more of themselves, and be more engaged. Leaders, who want to grow, will focus on being more vulnerable and bring empathy and compassion to their roles.
Information Technology Leadership
The IT Leadership word for 2020 is verticalization.
Our businesses are demanding more from IT. We must bring business acumen and domain knowledge to solve the complex problems of business today. We must show up first as businesspersons and second as technologists.
For this reason, in 2020 transitioning from one vertical or industry to another will become more difficult, especially for directors, vice presidents, and CIOs. (Of course, we will also have to combine verticalization with the leadership word of vulnerability.)
The face of IT is changing!
Technology
Technology’s rapid evolution will continue. OK, that is a ‘no-brainer’ prediction, but here is what I think that means for 2020:
We are going to see the confluence of three game-changing technologies: Artificial Intelligence (AI), Internet of Things (IoT) and Fifth Generation Wireless (5G). Our worlds will become more connected and more intelligent.
This will impact our lives at home and at work as “smart devices” become more prevalent. Leaders will have to have a vision for how these technologies will change their businesses, their lives, and the lives of their followers.
There you have it…my 2020 predictions.
What are yours?
Follow me
Insights is the weekly, thought-provoking newsletter from Jeffrey S. Ton.
Every Tuesday – Delivered to your inbox.
A different focus each week:
Leadership Thought – A lesson-learned, an insight shared
Leadership Q&A – A response to a reader’s or a connection’s question
Leadership Spotlight – A highlight of a person or company helping others to grow their leadership
Rivers of Thought – A more personal thought, observation or musing
